how do loaves of bread say hello to each other?
i don’t care what people think about me this will always be my greatest achievement
EYELASHES YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO PREVENT STUFF FROM FALLING IN MY EYE BUT WHEN YOU FALL IN MY EYE THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO YOU WERE MY LAST LINE OF DEFENSE AND YOU BETRAYED ME
get off my post
You don’t have to lash out
these puns are far too cornea
mother: is it a boy or a girl?
doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor
Here’s the rule about telling someone about something wrong with their appearance:
If a person can fix it in 5 minutes or less, tell them
If they can’t…
That’s actually a really good way of putting it.
my friends grandma got her something from hollister as a gift but apparently she didnt like the shirtless guy on the bag so she sewed a shirt on it
4/20? You mean 1/5 reduce your fractions did you even learn math
my dog was supposed to be a police dog but he failed the training for it because he was too much of a wimp. the trainers said that when he was supposed to be attacking dummies he’d run up to them and roll over and wag his tail and they also said he was the worst failure they’d ever seen
relationship tip #78: ‘babe’ and ‘baby’ are cliche and outdated. try a fun new nickname such as ‘lieutenant’ instead